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Six excerpts from the Christ Comic Hero Bible
It occurred to me recently: it’s possible to put out an entire Children’s Bible, paraphrased and illustrated by AI.
This isn’t necessarily bad… I think. I’ve always written with some kind of autocorrect to keep me legible and efficient.
But, I wanted to share some excerpts from the sample images of the Christ Comic Hero Bible, since it’s marketed as “true to scripture.”
Why I use Six Translations
This Is Why I
-Preach from the NRSV,
-Study from the Tanakh,
-Reference the ESV,
-Give Out the CEB,
-Compose from The Message,
and Still Follow King James
There's a silly church camp song that goes, "Mr. Postman, bring to me, a copy of the NIV — can't stand to wait any longer, I need the Bible to grow stronger."
That's about as much translation education as most of us got.
No complaints from me though.
Here's the New International Version (NIV) ’s rendering of Romans 8:28:
Confirmation Part 1/10: The Bible
This is part of a ten-part series of mix-and-match curriculum resource for UMC Confirmation Classes and Teachers
Also available in paperback and ebook
The Bible is one of the most influential collections of writing in human history. The wordBible comes from the Greek biblia, meaning "books." It's not a single book written by a single author. It's a library of sacred writings concerning God's dealings with humankind and the revelations of God's will, assembled across centuries and continents.
Why does that matter? Because the Bible has shaped the course of civilizations, political development, literature, art, and ideas about truth, justice, and purpose. It continues to influence the world today — at its best, helping humanity to be more humane. For Christians and Jews, the Bible is their Holy Book: a source of religious belief, truth revealed by God, laws for living according to God's plan, guidelines for worship, and historical documents. And for anyone willing to open it, the Bible can be a source of inspiration and insight, a guide for living a just and loving life, and a place to bring the big questions.
What Does the Bible Really Say About Gay People?
Let me tell you a little story.
One day, I saw a man with a megaphone, chasing children around in my neighborhood, condemning the children to hell, because the man thought they were dressed a little weird.
From his megaphone he yelled, “you’re going to hell!” To children. For dressing different.
A few feet away, somebody with a “God Hates Gays” sign was livestreaming the harrasment,
and the police observed.
So I stood in between the man and the kids. I’m tall, I’m used to bullies, better me than them.
And I blasted “A Whole New World” to contain the situation (and demonetize the man’s footage).
Then, the man, no longer able to attack the children, looked at me and said,
“They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”
A perfectly accurate recitation of Romans 1, except that he completely inverted the meaning of the passage by cutting it short.
So I said to the man, “Finish the sentence. If you quote Romans 1, you need to quote Romans 2 to finish the sentence. Therefore you have no excuse when you condemn others, for in doing so, you condemn yourself.
The 'Rod' in Proverbs Is a Shepherd's Comfort Tool. Here's Why
The Hebrew word shebet, translated "rod" in Proverbs 13:24, is the same word used in Psalm 23:4 — "your rod and your staff, they comfort me" — because it refers to a shepherd's guiding tool that protects, directs, and rescues, not a weapon for beating.
Here's the thing about the English word "rod." It makes you think of hitting. But the Hebrew word shebet (שֵׁבֶט) makes a shepherd think of something completely different.
Shebet appears all over the Hebrew Bible. It means rod, staff, scepter, symbol of authority. And its most famous appearance is in the psalm you probably memorized as a kid:
"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff — they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).
The rod comforts. That's not a contradiction the psalmist failed to notice. It's a reflection of what the rod actually is.
So what does a shepherd do with a rod?
How the Bible Happened and How We Read It: Toward A Novel Biblical Interpretation Lens (Reunion Hermeneutic Series)
Before we use the family reunion lens on anything, we need to talk about the thing we're reading.
The Bible is not a book. It's a library. It was written across roughly a thousand years by dozens of communities in multiple languages for different purposes. It was assembled, edited, argued over, canonized, translated, retranslated, and re-argued-over across another two thousand years. The process that turned these texts into "the Bible" is itself a story worth knowing, because how the library was assembled shapes what any lens can see in it.
Any hermeneutic lens — including the one I'm proposing — has to respect this history. Otherwise it's just another way of treating the Bible as a single book with a single author making a single argument, and there are already too many of those.
How the Library Was Assembled
The Hebrew Bible and Old Testament:
The Only Bible Verse About Pregnancy Loss Assigns a Fine. Here's Why That Matters.
Exodus 21:22-25 prescribes a fine if fighting men cause a woman to miscarry, but "life for life" if the woman herself dies — a legal distinction that shows the fetus did not have the same status as a born person under the very law code most often cited as biblical authority.
Trans Identity, and What the Bible Actually Says. Here's Why It Matters
The only verse in the Bible that mentions clothing and gender is a law about disguise. Not identity. Disguise.
It sits inside a purity code that also prohibits mixed fabrics, that Christians do not follow, and that addresses a world in which "trans" as a concept did not exist. A trans woman wearing women's clothes is not disguising herself. She is dressing as herself. The framework of the prohibition does not apply to someone living authentically. It applies to the opposite.
But the deeper problem with using this verse against trans people is not the misapplication. It is the pattern. Take a text from one context, strip its meaning, claim divine authority, and use it to harm people the text was never about.
Black Skin Is Not a Biblical Curse. The "Curse of Ham" Was Fabricated to Justify Slavery. Here's the Evidence
Christian theologians put a lot of work into persuading themselves that Black skin is a punishment from God.
And now we have a lot of work to do in healing our communities from this…. rhetoric.
First.
No verse in the Bible connects skin color to divine punishment. The passage cited for the "Curse of Ham" — Genesis 9:20–27 — curses Canaan, not Ham, says nothing about skin color, says nothing about Africa, and says nothing about any racial group. The connection between Ham, Africa, and dark skin was manufactured by European slave traders and slaveholding theologians who needed divine authorization for an economic system built on kidnapping and forced labor. This was not interpretation. It was fabrication for profit. And while the lie has been formally rescinded by some institutions, it has not been abandoned with anything close to the rigor with which it was constructed. Two hundred years of systematic, institutionally funded, seminary-taught racial theology cannot be corrected by a denominational press release. It requires the same verse-by-verse, claim-by-claim dismantling that built it in the first place.
Chapter and Verse Numbers Were Added 1,000 Years After the Bible Was Written. Here's Why
Chapter divisions were added by Stephen Langton in 1227 CE and verse numbers by Robert Estienne in 1551 CE — they are not inspired, not original, and they often break at exactly the wrong place, which is why reading individual verses in isolation produces bad interpretation.
The Bible Never Mentions Trans People. Here's Why That Matters.
The concept of transgender identity as understood today did not exist in the ancient world. The Bible contains no word for it, no prohibition of it, and no discussion of it. But it does contain extensive positive treatment of gender outsiders, including direct welcome from Jesus.
When people claim the Bible condemns trans people, ask them to cite the verse.
There isn't one.
How to Choose a Bible Translation. Here's What No One Tells You
Every English Bible is a set of choices made by a committee of translators — there is no single "correct" version, and the labels "literal" and "readable" hide five different axes of translation philosophy — so the best way to choose a Bible is to understand what each translation prioritizes and pick the right tool for the job
How to Choose a Bible for Your Kid Without Accidentally Teaching Them Theology You Don't Believe
Children's Bibles are not miniature adult Bibles. They are curated selections of stories, retold for young audiences, with interpretive framing baked into every editorial decision. The pictures, the language, the stories chosen and omitted — all of it is theology. And most parents never think to evaluate it that way.
The Word 'Homosexual' Was Not in Any Bible Until 1946. Here's Why
For 564 years of English Bible translation — from the first Wycliffe Bible in 1382 through 1945 — no translator used the word "homosexual," because the concept of sexual orientation as an innate identity did not exist in the ancient world and the Greek words in question don't mean that
The Bible Records Six Suicides and Condemns None of Them to Hell. Here's why this matters.
The "suicide = hell" teaching was not citing Scripture. It has no biblical basis.
And it has caused incalculable harm to grieving families.
If you are in pain right now: The door out of suffering is not to stay in the cycle that’s harming you; it’s a radical change of direction toward help and healing.
Confirmation Part 2/10: English Bibles
For most of Christian history, ordinary people couldn't read the Bible in their own language. Scripture existed in Hebrew, Greek, and Latin (the Vulgate), and access was controlled by the church and the educated. Translating the Bible into English was a long, costly, and sometimes deadly process — people gave their lives for the conviction that everyone should be able to read Scripture for themselves.